I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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