I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
