she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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