apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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