that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
