so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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