i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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