I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
