just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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