Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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