I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
operation have a gay friend backfired
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
