I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
