So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
