I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
