I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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