would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
