Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
