i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
