I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
