Im at strip club and am horny
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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