holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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