who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
