Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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