You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
