hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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