So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
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Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
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you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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