There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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