Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
