Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
