she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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