I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
