According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
