He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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