What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I currently don't understand fingers.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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