I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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