I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
