i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
