mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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