ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
