I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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