Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
