You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
