My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
