I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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