you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
