i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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