i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
honey bunches of taint.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
