we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
