NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
