I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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