A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
