She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
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His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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