I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
