In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i came on her dog
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
