Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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