I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
