So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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