Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
