You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
