just tell him i said nine months
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
