Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
