I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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