I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
