There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
