90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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