Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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