no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
