It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
