i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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