Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
