She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
