1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I look better un-naked...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
