we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
