ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
