Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
