handjob tips. give me some.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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