One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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