i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
