it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I need to sanitize my soul.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
