I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
