my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
