i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
