Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
