Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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