Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
