I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
