How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
