puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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